


Your Jealousy Is More Blind Than Luck

by Kapua



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: F/F, One Shot, but 70 years after she graduates all bets are off, no romance while yennefer is still a student, these two are just excellent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kapua/pseuds/Kapua
Summary: Tissaia rocks up on her toes to press a soft kiss to Yennefer's cheek, lips just brushing the corner of her mouth in a way that makes Yenenfer's stomach clench. "You've always had the power, darling. You just need to change what you're focusing on. The rest will come."Tissaia turns away and leaves Yennefer standing by the fire unsure what the fuck just happened. But as she watches Tissaia disappear into the dark night, she thinks that maybe the smaller woman is right. Maybe she's been focusing on the wrong thing all along. Maybe it's not about wanting to best Tissaia—maybe it's just aboutwantingher.AKA four times that Yennefer attempts to use thought transference with Tissaia and fails, and one time she succeeds. A one-shot done for a prompt based on Tissaia's intro to the lesson on thought transference: "It should flow through you, like learning to dance or swim orkiss."
Relationships: Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 45
Kudos: 168





	Your Jealousy Is More Blind Than Luck

**Author's Note:**

> Done for an anonymous tumblr prompt on Tissaia describing thought transference as being like learning to dance or swim or kiss, and then how that plays out between her and Yennefer. (if this was your prompt and you want me to gift this fic to you on here just let me know!)
> 
> I apologize in advance for the first scene if it's not *quite* how it happened in the show, I didn't bother going back to rewatch to look up the exact dialogue and order of things lol. The prompt came in this morning and I felt inspired so I just banged this out and figured it being vaguely inaccurate would be an acceptable sacrifice.

The first time Yennefer attempts thought transference, she fails miserably. The Archmistress ( _ Tissaia _ , Yennefer calls her in her head, the petty refusal to use the woman's title giving her some small satisfaction) begins the lesson with yet another lecture. 

"Thought transference should float through you, like learning to dance or swim or  _ kiss _ ."

Yennefer barely holds back a scoff. She can't imagine Tissaia kissing anyone, let alone it being something effortless. But then, she still sometimes feels a faint hesitance about kissing Istredd herself, the self-consciousness about her twisted jaw and hunchback rearing its head. She'll never admit that, of course. It does make it rather difficult to think of thought transference as anything other than complicated, though, and she's got no point of reference for either swimming or dancing, which leaves her feeling rather hopeless about the whole situation.

The Archmistress ( _ Tissaia _ ) reclines on a chaise lounge after setting them to their task for the day, and Yennefer tries to focus on Anica. More than anything, she wants to prove to everyone—the other girls, Tissaia,  _ herself _ —that she can do this. That she's worthy of the chance she's been given.

Minutes tick into hours, and Yennefer still can't sense a single thread of thought from Anica. She tries everything she can think of: emptying her mind, focusing every ounce of her energy on Anica, mentally asking questions to the other girl, railing against the silence she gets in return.

The other girls all slowly have breakthroughs, and with each success Yennefer feels the pressure behind her eyes grow. A sliver of fear and uncertainty worms its way deeper into her heart until it's all she can think about.

_ Never good enough. _

_ Useless. _

_ Not even worth the four shillings. _

The thoughts ricocheting around her mind are what finally makes her do it, though part of her knows it's a plan doomed to fail before she even opens her mouth.

"Snakes."

Tissaia looks at her emotionlessly. "Get out."

Yennefer flinches as if she's been physically struck. "Why—"

"You're lying." The older woman's voice is quiet, but there's a clear ring of steel in it that makes Yennefer's hands clench into fists. "Leave, and the next time you think to fool me remember that while you may struggle with the simplest of tasks,  _ I _ do not."

Yennefer runs from the room, cheeks heated through with embarrassment and shame. As she tries to escape the humiliation of her failure being made so publicly known, a single thought looms large in her mind:

_ I'll show her. Someday, I'll see every corner of her mind, and we'll see how she likes it then. _

###

The second time that thought transference causes trouble between Yennefer and Tissaia is at the ascension ball. Yennefer has been through hell and come out the other side remade into power incarnate. 

She relishes the eyes on her as she strides into the great hall, and the whispers that reach her ears are not only the ones spoken aloud.

She's practiced thought transference until she could best any of her classmates, and she opens her mind and welcomes the mental rush of information as she takes in the unspoken murmurs and questions about what she's doing here, how this is possible. It's gratifying to feel the shock and irritation from those who thought they'd be rid of her, and a satisfied smile curls at her lips.

But there's one person who she doesn't feel in the mess of thoughts. Her eyes search the room and Yennefer spots Tissaia standing near the king from Aedirn. The woman's face is impassive, but Yennefer can  _ feel _ that the calm is just an act. There's something just below the surface, and she stretches out her mind to try to uncover it—

The rebuke from Tissaia's mental wards is akin to a wrought iron gate slamming shut in her face, and Yennefer nearly stumbles back from the force of it. Tissaia's eyes meet her own and there's a challenge in them.

**_You have much still to learn._ **

The thought drifts across her mind like a soft breeze, leaving Yennefer unable to tell if she enjoys the closeness or if she wants to burn Tissaia alive for throwing her failure back in her face. It's irrelevant, she decides. This is not why she came here.

But when she stalks over to the king from Aedirn and introduces herself, she does take a certain degree of pleasure from the way she can see Tissaia purse her lips at the interaction. 

As the king sweeps her away, Yennefer lets her eyes connect with Tissaia's once more before spinning away. And she thinks that maybe thought transference is overrated, because she doesn't need to be a mind reader to know that she's just irreparably altered the other woman's plans for the future.

###

The next time Yennefer attempts to use thought transference against Tissaia is in Rinde. The smaller woman appearing out of a portal caught her off guard, and though she'll never admit it she's desperately curious about what could possibly have motivated Tissaia to seek her out.

Oh, there's the usual lecture about the Brotherhood and how Yennefer is overstepping, but it feels like there's something more that Tissaia isn't telling her. And when Tissaia has the nerve to look at her with more openness than Yennefer can ever recall seeing from the woman before, asking  _ how did we get like this _ , she knows she's right. There is something Tissaia is hiding.

Yenenfer's earlier curiosity burns all the brighter with this evidence that Tissaia is keeping a new secret. Obviously the woman has more secrets than Yennefer will ever know, but this is new. Different. And Yennefer has gotten exponentially stronger in the fifty years since she left Aretuza, so she lets her mind reach out to Tissaia's to reveal the answers she seeks. She still doesn't love thought transference, it always feels clunky and confrontational, but shes  _ good _ at it so she decides fuck it and pushes into Tissaia's mind before she can think better of it.

There's a split second where she catches a glimpse of  _ something _ —some emotion that steals her breath away with its depth and force. But then it's gone. Tissaia repels her with a snarl, and Yennefer is still taken aback at the strength of the smaller woman's resistance as her mind is thrown back into her own body.

It's irksome, more than anything, to still not be able to best Tissaia. Because what is the point of everything she does, if not to be the best? To be the most powerful?

When Tissaia says that she gave her all that she could, Yennefer barely bites back a sharp retort that they both know that's a lie. Because Tissaia has always remained hidden away, keeping Yennefer at arms length and this latest rebuff is merely the most recent in a long pattern. 

Her answer to Tissaia's question of  _ what more do you want _ is the only thing she can think of that captures what she's feeling. And it's the truth. She wants  _ everything _ , and Tissaia is still somehow thwarting her from achieving her goals even after all these years.

Yennefer dismisses Tissaia out of hand after that. She waits until she feels the portal open and close before letting her shoulders slump. 

One breath.

Another.

And she straightens. Someday, she will show Tissaia. But that's not going to happen sitting around feeling sorry for herself, so she turns her attention back to applying her lip paint and resolves to continue learning anything and everything she can until she's able to destroy Tissaia's mental wards without so much as breaking a sweat.

###

The night before Sodden, Yennefer tries for what she thinks may be the last time to finally see Tissaia's thoughts. They're leaning against a low wall talking quietly, and she can't help but think that maybe her life could have been quite different if she'd seen this side of Tissaia all those years ago. 

Because now, in the glow of the firelight and a genuine smile on her lips as they talk, Tissaia is beautiful. Her rough edges have been made smooth; she's still sharp and dangerous, but it's the difference between being able to hold and admire the workmanship of an exquisite sword versus being on the business end of that same sword in a battle.

When Tissaia tells her  _ you still have so much left to give _ , Yennefer wants nothing more than to believe her. She wants the words to be true, she wants to know why they've been at each other's throats for so long when they could have had this easy camaraderie, she wants to know what Tissaia is thinking as she gazes at Yennefer with dark eyes—

It's that last thought that spurs her to try. She could ask Tissaia her questions, but she doesn't have any illusions that the other woman would explain herself. And even if Tissaia was willing, Yennefer doesn't know if there's even a way to verbalize what has passed between them these last few days. How Yennefer came the second Vilgefortz said Tissaia had asked for her, the almost inconceivable reality that Tissaia had very nearly begged her to help ( _ if you will not do it for the Brotherhood, then do it for me—please _ ), and perhaps the most jarring thing of all: that Yennefer  _ agreed _ . That she's here, throwing her lot in with a miserable band of mages facing down nigh-unbeatable odds, and all because Tissaia asked her to.

There's not enough words to capture the conflicting knot of feelings surging in her, so Yennefer forgoes speaking and searches for Tissaia's mind instead.

Their close proximity makes it a simple task, but even if they were on opposite sides of the Continent Yennefer thinks she could still find Tissaia. The woman's mind is like a beacon emanating power and calling to the chaos around her at all time. At one time Yennefer was jealous of her, coveted that level of power for herself, but time has somewhat tempered that desire. She knows now all too well the costs that are associated with the accumulation of power, and not for the first time she wonders what Tissaia has given up to get to where she is.

She extends her mind until it nudges against Tissaia's, not charging in with full force as she's done in the past. And to her surprise, she isn't sent reeling backwards. The walls are still there, but Tissaia lets her explore them without comment.

**_At least you've learned some subtlety, after all these years._ **

Yennefer might be offended by the words were it not for the way that the corner of Tissaia's mouth lifts just a bit, making the words playful rather than cutting.

"I never could get the hang of it the way you have," Yennefer admits begrudgingly, giving up her quest and settling back against the wall. It feels less terrible than she'd imagined it would to acknowledge that she hasn't been able to best Tissaia. 

The smaller woman shakes her head. "For all of your talk of despising the idea of control, this is the one place where a little less rigidity would serve you well."

Yennefer can't help the bark of laughter that escapes her. "Tissaia de Vries telling me I need  _ less _ control. Who would have thought I would live to see the day?"

Tissaia ignores her and shifts so that she's standing in front of Yennefer. Their height difference means she's looking up at the younger woman, and Yennefer keeps perfectly still as Tissaia brings their faces closer together.

"My dear," she murmurs, "You could have any mind you wished if only you stopped thinking so hard about it. Do you remember what I told you during that first lesson?"

Yennefer has to blink hard a few times to clear her mind enough to recall, the unexpectedly close proximity to Tissaia muddling her thoughts. "You said it has to float, like dancing or swimming or a kiss."

Tissaia nods slowly. "You can't force it. Attacking a mind will only get you so far. But if you let things flow naturally..." She brings a hand up to stroke Yennefer's cheek, and a shiver races through the younger woman. "Things are always better when you don't force them."

"That sounds remarkably boring," Yennefer replies, fumbling for words as her eyes track the way that Tissaia's tongue darts out to wet her lips. "A little force applied at the right moment can make things even more enjoyable, in my experience."

Tissaia leans closer to her and her warm breath ghosts across Yennefer's ear as she murmurs, "Does this bore you, Yennefer?" And  _ gods _ , Yennefer thinks that she just felt the press of damp lips along her neck, and a pulse of wanting shoots through her. She suddenly feels like she can't breathe, and her hands unconsciously come to rest on Tissaia's hips to keep the woman from moving away. 

When she doesn't answer, Yennefer feels Tissaia chuckle against her collarbone and then dark blue eyes meet her own. "Sometimes, giving a little will get you much farther than merely demanding."

Whatever lesson Tissaia is trying to impart is lost on Yennefer, who thinks she's just barely managing to conceal the fact that she's about two seconds away from kissing Tissaia senseless, people around them and decades of supposedly hating the woman be damned. She suddenly doesn't care if she never knows exactly what goes on in Tissaia's mind; she just wants  _ more,  _ whatever Tissaia will share with her. If only this moment can stretch on forever, it will be enough.

Tissaia rocks up on her toes to press a soft kiss to Yennefer's cheek, lips just brushing the corner of her mouth in a way that makes Yenenfer's stomach clench. "You've always had the power, darling. You just need to change what you're focusing on. The rest will come."

Tissaia turns away and leaves Yennefer standing by the fire unsure what the fuck just happened. But as she watches Tissaia disappear into the dark night, she thinks that maybe the smaller woman is right. Maybe she's been focusing on the wrong thing all along. Maybe it's not about wanting to best Tissaia—maybe it's just about  _ wanting _ her. 

Yennefer groans and goes to grab another ale. If they make it through the coming battle alive, she's going to have some serious re-evaluating to do.

###

Yennefer wakes in a medical ward. She panics for a moment before everything comes rushing back to her.

_ The battle. _

_ Flames. _

_ Tissaia. _

She's out of bed in an instant, searching the room for any sign of Tissaia. Her side twinges but when she prods her finger at the spot where Sabrina stabbed her, there's only the barest remnant of pain. Someone must have healed her, and the thought calms her just enough to think. 

If they've healed her, then they've surely attended to Tissaia as well. Yennefer tries to calm herself, seeking the threads of her chaos. It's weak, still not recovered from how much she spent to burn the Nilfgaardian army to ash, but there's enough for what she needs.

When she's gathered what she can, she lets her mind filter out through the walls of the room she's in. At first there's nothing, and her heart sinks. She's never  _ not _ been able to sense Tissaia. But then she feels it—a faint but familiar chaos signature from a room down the hall. 

If anyone were to ask after the fact, Yennefer would say that she moved at a perfectly reasonable, collected pace down the hall to Tissaia's room. But in the moment, it's perhaps closer to a sprint than she would care to admit.

She throws the door open and halts when she sees Triss standing and talking quietly to Tissaia, who looks small and pale in the bed— _ but alive _ , Yennefer thinks, and that's all that really matters. 

Triss looks at her askance, and Tissaia's gaze is equally curious.

"I need to speak with Tissaia," Yennefer says, unable to come up with a better introduction. She's deeply grateful to see Triss alive and recovering, and she will want to talk to her later, but right now she only has eyes for Tissaia.

Thankfully Triss just smiles and nods. "I'll come back later." She stands and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her and then it's just Yennefer and Tissaia alone in the room.

Yennefer isn't sure what to do. She has no frame of reference for any of this—for what she's feeling, for how you're supposed to act after a near-death experience, for what to say after those moments on the battlefield at the end ( _ you saved me _ ). No words feel adequate, and so she does the only thing she can think of and practically collapses into the chair at Tissaia's bedside as her fingers grasp at the smaller woman's hands.

"You're all right," Tissaia murmurs soothingly, her thumb rubbing soft circles on the side of Yennefer's hand. "You're safe."

_ I wasn't scared for myself. _

The sentence bounces around in her brain but she can't seem to make her mouth form the words. Frustration bubbles up in her until Tissaia's words from the night before the battle come back to her.  _ Sometimes giving a little will get you farther. _

She opens her mind to Tissaia, not all the way, but enough that she knows the woman will be able to discern her thoughts and emotions. It's terrifying, but not nearly as much as the thought that Tissaia could have died when Yennefer is only just beginning to discover what it is that she wants.

Tissaia's body stiffens for a moment, clearly caught off guard by the sudden openness, but then Yennefer is abruptly drowning in a flood of feelings that don't belong to her but are achingly familiar. There's such deep longing pouring from Tissaia, so many memories flitting across Yennefer's mind from a perspective other than her own, and in each and every one of them she sees herself as Tissaia does: powerful, brilliant,  _ beautiful _ . 

It's too much, and without conscious thought Yennefer shifts so that she can press her lips to Tissaia's. She needs more, needs the physical connection like she needs air, but the moment their lips touch she realizes that she has  _ vastly _ underestimated what it will mean for her to kiss Tissaia. Her whole body lights up at the sensation of Tissaia kissing her back, starting with a soft slide of their lips before she feels a tongue part her lips and lick into her mouth with unrestrained hunger and desire. 

And as the kiss unfolds, the give and take between the two women shifting with every nip and lick, Yennefer suddenly understands what Tissaia was trying to explain to her all those years ago. Because the rhythm of this kiss is unlike anything she's ever known. It's two perfectly matched equals not trying to conquer the other, simply savoring the rightness and giving as good as they get.

Her mind is still linked with Tissaia's, and as the kiss flows and changes with each breath, so too does her understanding of the smaller woman. For every piece of herself that she shares across the mental bond, she receives more in return, upending everything she thought she knew and remaking her into a new person with wants and desires that are so strong they make her tremble.

She isn't sure how long they spend lost in each other's minds and in the tender kisses they continue trading, but eventually Yennefer pulls back and rests her forehead against Tissaia's, staring into bright blue eyes that look....happy.

After a second to catch her breath, Yennefer wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. "If you had kissed me a few decades ago, you could have saved us both a lot of trouble."

Tissaia laughs and uses a finger to pull Yennefer down for another kiss by the chin. "This had to be your decision, darling. I'm afraid you listen to no one but yourself on matters like this."

Yennefer can't argue with that, so she settles for another kiss before climbing all the way onto the bed so that she's lying pressed against the length of Tissaia's body. The smaller woman hums and brings a hand up to gently comb through Yennefer's hair, dropping a kiss to her forehead.

"Sleep now," she murmurs. "There will be time for the rest later."

And as Yennefer drifts off, she thinks that maybe—just maybe—each of the failures that led her to this point were worth it. Because she's got Tissaia in her arms and can  _ feel _ the affection and tenderness radiating out from the other woman, and really—what could be better than that?

**Author's Note:**

> okay, back to work on the wild west AU after this unexpected detour this morning lol. Thanks for reading! (and for everyone who sends such excellent prompts!!! :D)


End file.
